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With No Further Ado... [Jul. 24th, 2008|12:56 pm]
Went and saw Dark Knight with Raven, the Doc, and Lyssa.

-Most Kickass Comic movie EVER.

-Heath Ledger was AWESOME, and so was Aaron Eckhardt.

I thought it would be as good as Iron Man, but this movie wiped itself with Iron Man.
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I've got to get this whole karma-scheme thing down better.. [Jul. 2nd, 2008|11:08 pm]
I've been out of work for a year, as pretty much everyone I know has heard a hundred times, and yet it's not as if I've been sitting around the house moping. My social life's been hopping, especially lately, much to my happiness. I'm beginning to think that I'm in a gang-bang between the good and bad luck fairies.
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Holy Hell, it's the End of an era of Intelligent Humor [Jun. 23rd, 2008|01:55 am]
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true. George Carlin has died. Now we've got to wait and see who'll take over as the smart-mouthed, snarky comedian for the next generation.

There can only be ONE
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Thresholds Aftermath... [Jun. 18th, 2008|05:20 pm]
Well, Walking the Thresholds was a decent affair, all in all. Didn't get sick, didn't get lost, so that's a threpeat in my book. I love trying to scan past a Matrix working, as if I needed to see inside my head anymore. I feel bad for everyone that DID get sick, and we lost almost a third of the people on Saturday to the Bug of Doom.

On a completely different note, I have a few job interviews for next week, I have a few more applications out at the Library of Congress, and I'm FINALLY over my post trip Panic Attack.

Just have my B-day this weekend, my mom's b=day Tuesday, and then Shaun and Fishy's housewarming party the next weekend, and the hectic month of June will almost be over, more's the pity.

BTW, be sure to check out the moon tonight, it's supposed to appear incredibly large.
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The Concise Language of Dragons [May. 23rd, 2008|01:18 am]
Draconic thought processes are unusually efficient in a few ways, compared to your average human language;
In Dragon, there is one word that covers our possessions, our friends, our family, and anything else we have feelings about/towards.

MINE!

Snicker all you want, but when one of us 'claims' someone, anyone that screws with them will be lucky to crawl away. This is also a good reason to keep your hands to yourself when in a Dragon's home.

Side note: if a Dragon gives you stuff, it means they have claimed you as MINE. Don't look a pet VolcanoLizard in the mouth. We're your best friends, or worst gods-be-damned nightmares. We're also great at looting; take a Dragon with you to a flea market, yard sale, or other rummage collection, and you're almost guaranteed a treasure or fifty.
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I swear... [May. 17th, 2008|01:41 am]
I'm starting to consider a lifestyle as a kept man, if I can find some woman demented enough to keep my crazy ass. In the almost-year since I've had a job, I've had no less than FIVE prospective job offers fall through. It's almost enough to make you believe in a Bum God that has randomly 'blessed' me with unemployment.

Although, if I can't swing Kept Man, I'll almost settle for house-bitch. There are worse things in life than cleaning up after someone.

On a positive note, most of my house has been demolished, I'll soon have the water problem in my basement solved, and in three weeks I've doubled AND replaced half of my hardcopy book collection. At this rate, in a couple of months, I'll own almost nothing.
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The difference between GeekGirls and VanillaGirls... [May. 6th, 2008|03:33 pm]
[mood | giddy]

From what I can gather, Geek Girls are A)smarter, and B) have serious fantasies about watching two guys getting it on. Or maybe they're just the ones that admit to it.

It wouldn't be quite so strange if I weren't the target of a few of those myself.
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Nerdiness from the Internet [May. 6th, 2008|02:05 pm]
ALL I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM
BABYLON 5

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sooner or later, everyone comes to Babylon 5.

Be both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the Universe, that we have not yet explained everything.

The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements: energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

On Babylon 5, no one is exactly what he appears.

Everyone lies: the innocent lie because they don't want to be blamed for something they
didn't do and the guilty lie because they don't have any other choice.

When waiting for an apology, check the temperature in Hell first.

When the avalanche has already started, it is too late for the pebbles to vote.

We all do what we do for the same reason: because it seems like a good idea at the time.

Human ways are often unfathomable, but in time, one learns to live with them (if one has an exceedingly strong constitution).

See yourself for what you are, not what others try to make you.

We all believe in something greater than ourselves, even if it's just the blind forces of chance.

If any religion is right, then maybe they all have to be right; maybe God doesn't care how you say your prayers, just as long as you say them.

In a world where every day is a struggle for survival, you need all the gods you can get.

God works in mysterious ways, but he is a con-man compared to a Vorlon.

Understanding is a three-edged sword.

Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't change anything.

Without the hope that things will get better, that our inheritors will know a world that is fuller and richer than our own, life is pointless and evolution is vastly overrated.

The future is always changing -- we create the future, with our words, our deeds, and with our beliefs.

All of this is for nothing unless we go to the stars.

Boom, sooner or later, BOOM!

The future isn't what it used to be.

We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out; as we have learned, sometimes the universe requires a change of perspective.

The currents of Fate that we think are the ones that're gonna make us stronger, they are the ones that are going to destroy us, and the ones that we think are going to destroy us, they are going to make us stronger.

The Universe puts us in places we can learn; they are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place .. and the right time. The pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born.

The forces of darkness do not move openly.

The first casualty of war is always the truth.

Governments deal in matters of convenience, not conscience; it is up to the rest of us to make up the difference.

Evil sometimes wears a pleasant face.

Shadows move when you are not looking at them.

It will all end in fire.

The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast, terrible in-between.

All life is transitory, a dream; we all come together in the same place, at the end of time.

No race can be truly intelligent without laughter.

Stay close to the Vorlon and watch out for Shadows.

Some favours come with too high a price.

Secrets have a way of getting out.

The Universe doesn't give you any points for doing things that are easy.

There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom.

Sometimes peace is another word for surrender.

In the long, twilight struggle which lies ahead, there is the possibility of hope.

Never start a fight, but always finish it.

Some must be sacrificed for all to be saved.

It would be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them; so, take comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.

It would be embarrassing to get killed because of a typo.

It's a very sad life, and probably will be a very sad death, but at least there is symmetry.

Enthusiasm, sincerity, genuine compassion, and humor can carry you through any lack of prior experience with high numerical value.

Only an idiot fights a war on two fronts; only the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts.

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics.

Always plant a lie inside a truth.

One never knows when an inconvenient truth will fall between the cracks and vanish.

Do not thump the book of G'Quan.

When the Vorlon goes to ground, it's time to worry.

An uneasy conscience doesn't show up in a lab report.

A darkness carried in the heart can not be cured by moving the body from one place to another.

We say there is no choice only to comfort ourselves with the decision we have already made.

Prophecies are poor guides to the future: you only understand it when the events are already upon you.

The soul is a non-localized phenomenon.

We are the universe, trying to understand itself.

We can learn much from silence.

The war is never completely won; there are always new battles to be fought against the darkness.

Words have meaning and names have power. The universe begun with a word, you know. But which came first: the word or the thought behind the word?

Our thoughts form the universe -- they always matter.

If you can not say what you mean, you can never mean what you say. The details are everything.

Politics and morality on the same side! That doesn't happen every day.

Conspiracies require more than one person.

Nobody takes power. They're given power by the rest of us, because we are stupid or afraid or both.

As one accumulates power, one loses friends. One only has those who wish to use you, and those you wish to use.

I have seen what power does, and I have seen what power costs. The one is never equal to the other.

You do not make history. You can only hope to survive it.

You can kill the truth, but it always comes back to haunt you later.

The one thing in life that you can be sure about is that you are going to make mistakes.

If for the single wrong word I can become the enemy, do I any longer really understand who the enemy is?

Everything is illusion. Constructs of language, light, metaphor; nothing is real.

If you're gonna wait for the universe to start making sense, you have a long wait ahead of you.

If you confront the universe with good intentions in your heart, it will reflect that and reward your intent. Usually. It just doesn't always do it in the way you expect.

Touch passion when it comes your way.

It's easy to find something worth dying for. Do you have anything worth living for?

Embrace the moment. In the end, that's all we have. Trouble will come in its own time, it always does. But that's tomorrow. Give me today, and I will be happy.

History will attend to itself.

That's all that faith requires. That we surrender ourselves to the possibility of hope.

The universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice.

We need not be afraid of those who are different, we can embrace that difference and learn from it.

We create the meaning in our lives. It does not exist independently.

Where is it written that all our dreams must be small ones?

We choose to do that which frightens us, knowing that there are no guarantees.

You don't have to solve every problem all at once. Problems are solved in pieces.

Never let the facts get into the way of a good grudge.

It's bad luck to die on empty stomach.

You don't come to the dead for wisdom.

Always remember that terror is also a form of communication.

On some level people like to see something big fall apart and explode from the inside out.

Every great fall begins with a single mistake.

At the end we all stand alone.

We are the voice of the universe, the soul of creation, the fire that will light our way to a better future. We are one.
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Cinqo De Maio? [May. 5th, 2008|01:07 am]
Anyone having a party, or are we all gonna pretend to be grown-ups?
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Here's my latest work, something I may develop further, perhaps with some input from friends.... [Apr. 29th, 2008|01:55 am]
PS. This was written for a Chaos Magick site for which I am a fan; I was asked to write something, and this was what I came up with. All comments appreciated!




Jell-O and the Most Ancient Art and Crafts of Magic, or
How I learned to stop worrying and learned to love Physics

One of the first things that we learn when we pick up an athame or a book on magic is the use of the four primal elements when calling a circle; Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. Every book of herbalism discusses the elemental correspondences of various materials, and more than a few of us can identify the elemental alignment of each of the 12 zodiac signs. But honestly, does anyone else wonder why such a system is one of our most ancient means of dividing up the world around us?

Consider the construction of our bodies, most significantly our senses, the means by which we interact with the universe around us. They are composed of matter, from the brain cells that interpret information, to the nerves which conduct the nerve-charges from our fingertips, tongue, eyes, and ears to our brains. Add in a little electrical energy, and you've built a basic nervous system. It functions with matter and energy, in short, but mostly matter.

For those of you to whom high-school chemistry is a dim memory, matter comes in four parts: Solid, Liquid, Gaseous, and Plasma. Solid is the state of matter wherein the atoms, molecules, parts and pieces are all crammed together with very little space in between. Liquid is the state of matter where solid matter has overall cohesion (meaning that as a mass it sticks together), but it's internal construction allows molecules to slide over and next to and around each other. Gaseous is the phase of matter where the molecules have very little overall cohesion, and the individual particles are so spread out they are barely neighbors. Plasma is the phase of matter where a portion of it's internal molecules are undergoing transfer back into energy, which causes all of it's neighbors to do the same, thus causing combustion. Now to draw the obvious parallels; Fire is Plasma, Water is Liquid, Air is Gaseous, and Earth is Solid.

Since the current paradigm for pagans and occultists is to describe things in terms of energy, let's apply that logic to the molecular phases of matter; Solids have the least active energy, most of it's potential is exerted in holding it's molecules together. Liquids have more active energy than solids, in that it's individual molecules bounce around and into each other. Gases have incredible amounts of active energy, but it's not very cohesive. Plasma has the most inherent active energy, arcing between adjacent molecules and causing the same reaction to spread. Matter that is in the same phase-state of existence will resonate when particular wavelengths of energy (Literally, radiation) are introduced into it. This is why tuning forks can be used to make glass shatter and suchlike, and also why you can feel the bass from a loud sound at a distance.To divide up the phenomenal (observable actions) universe even further, our senses and beliefs are to divide things up into matter and it's behavior, caused by energy. What I mean by behavior are such things as gravity(the tendency of matter to be attracted to other matter), electricity (the tendency of matter to move charges of electricity between adjacent molecules), magnetism ( the tendency of matter with opposing molecular-electrical charges to attract one another). Being as our senses, and thus much of our perception, takes place at the levels of matter and energy, the goal of magic is to shift energy (and thus matter) into making the will of a magic-worker manifest itself into our observable world, whether to get a job or win the lottery. When magic is worked, a resonating vibration is introduced to all of the existent matter in the universe to create the spell's effect.

On the quantum level, matter and energy behave in accord with the beliefs of the observer. When a spell-worker attempts to shape reality to their will, they are combining their intentions with energy to affect matter. Energy is 'programmed' to behave in a fashion to make the spell-worker's will manifest into the matter-energy level of existence. Thus, when one casts a spell, you direct energy to travel out into resonating patterns of matter, and when it reaches a point in space and time where the intent of the spell becomes possible, the energy interacts with matter to make the spell's effect happen. The magnitude of energy necessary to accomplish a spell's goal thus becomes greater over a longer stretch of space or time, and even greater magnitudes are required to accomplish a goal that is nebulous in the mind of the caster. In simplest terms, the shorter the time desired between the casting of the spell and the actualization of the spell, the closer in space the enacting of the spell and the target of the spell, and the more concise the goal of the spell, the less energy required for the spell to take effect. This also explains why sympathetic magic works so well, because someone's hair will have a stronger resonance to that person, being that the 'antenna' of the hair is made from the same pattern of DNA that makes up a person's body, in effect extending the range of the spell since a part of the spell's target is right at the site of the spell being cast.

Now, I can hear the lament; “Okay, but what does this have to do with actually casting a spell?”

First, each of the Four States of Matter can be used as either an 'anchor' for magic, to continue an earlier analogy you can choose which of the Four States you wish to use as the antenna(e) for your spell to take effect; you can bounce a spell through all of the solid gold throughout the world, you can bounce it off of the waters of the oceans, you can release it into the winds to carry, or you can trigger a spell with the light of a sun or the stars.

Second, by identifying a State that resonates either to you personally or to your goal, you can borrow some of the ambient power of the State itself to power your spell. Each of the States has a different 'signature', or waveform; Earth has the lowest actualized energy, but it's got potential energy in spades, you just have to be patient to unlock it from the molecular bonds of the State. Fire has the most active energy, but controlling it can be difficult. Air has a great deal of free energy and it's not as hard to control as Fire, but expect to lose a great deal of it just in getting the spell set up. Water has some free energy and some potential energy, but it takes on the emotional 'tint' of the spell-caster, so be aware of your emotional state before tapping it. (Note:In a ritual situation, it's usually best if an operator concentrates on one State, and if multiple states are required, either break the ritual down into parts, or have a ritemaster who can concentrate on dealing with the energies passed on to them by the Callers.)

So, now that we have the basics down, let's deal with some advanced concepts in State Magic.
Colloids, or Gels; Technically a liquid with a high viscosity, Gels are a unique bridge between Solid, Liquid, and Plasma; They appear to be a solid, but are technically liquids, and can become more liquid through the application of heat. This also works with Glass, by the way. Great for an emotionally charged magic style, not to mention flexibility. Illusion spells usually rely on a mirror due to this fact; Liquids distort light that passes through them.

Plastics; a form of Solid, petroleum-based plastics are an easily shaped subdivision. This makes them ideal for such things as single-use sigils, innocuous items, and inexpensive tools. Also, being that petroleum is ancient remains that have become liquid, they have tremendous potential energy.

Plants; a Solid, they are nourished by Plasma and Liquid, and reverse the usual order of oxygen exchange (they make oxygen, not carbon dioxide), so they have ties to all of the States. My advice, use a REALLY good herbalism book, and OBEY the cautions therein! Plants are one of the most plentiful and flexible resources on the planet, don't ignore them!

Clay/Clay products; a form of Solid made even harder by Plasma; great for charged talismans, and they still work when broken! A convenient form of Contagion magic, all in your kitchen cupboard!

Ink; a liquid that becomes solid, to convey the meanings found in sounds; one of the oldest tools of the magician, don't just think of the symbols and spells you draw with it as magical, consider the ink itself as a means of applying a meaning to a liquid that then literally crystallizes into form.


So, for your next working of High Magic, consider the overlooked power of Jell-O; you can use it to represent Earth and Water on your Altar table, carve your spells into it or enchant it to carry intent, and you've got an excellent snack for after the ritual that as it dissolves in your stomach, it absorbs the intent from your working into two forms, making your spell a little more effective.

Thank you for your attention, and I hope this provides some food for thought.

Jason, Chaos Mage and Lunatic
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Now Broadcasting from a Large Glass Box... [Apr. 27th, 2008|08:18 pm]
Due to spatial issues with the reconstruction/renovation of my house, I'm now living in the solarium; I have some subconscious issues with glass lately, but since I almost filleted my hand on a broken chunk of glass a few months ago, I think that's understandable. Now if I can only get my brokeass a job, all will be well....
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Torrents are SOOOOOO addictive!! [Apr. 23rd, 2008|09:32 pm]
I've gotten hooked on the torrent phenom; I've gotten more than 2000 e-books this way; If I keep accumulating at this rate, my hardcopy library will actually fit into two standard storage bins, which is just freaky. Now all I have to do is invest in a decent e-book reader
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Wow, a nice surprise [Apr. 16th, 2008|08:17 pm]
The folks are talking about just giving me money to take a trip cross-country, since I'm the only person in the family that hasn't done that yet (The furthest West I've been is Phoenix). Currently, I'm considering going to Seattle. Now that's a good thing to spring on someone during the middle of the week :)
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Becoming addicted to the internet, part the 43rd [Apr. 14th, 2008|09:54 pm]
Gods, there IS something good on the internet other than porn. I've been spending a lot of time lately on filesharing websites, finding a LOT of good ebooks that would cost me a few thousand if I tried to get the Hardcopy version :) Not to mention, I'm seriously addicted to torrents; I get serious amounts of data without the lag time. I'm now a 13th level Nerd, as opposed to my old 10th level (Laugh)
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Magickal Anagrams [Apr. 11th, 2008|12:11 am]
Magickal Anagrams
Date: Thu, 13 Feb 1997 23:13:28 -0500 (EST)
From: Matthew R. Sheahan(chaos@crystal.palace.net)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


[ sang real / san greal ]
renal gas
Sara Glen

[ Nyarlathotep ]
a later Typhon
entropy, a halt
Ho, art aplenty
lent to a harpy
Henry Ott, a pal
a hotel pantry
thorny palate
to type, Harlan
entry to Alpha
the planar toy
thy natal rope
open thy altar
ethanol party
Tehran lap toy
Trytophan ale
earn thy Plato
rate phyla not
Ralph, eat Tony
halt party eon
that polar yen
that royal pen

[ Great Cthulhu ]
Great cult, huh?
caught Luther
Rhea cult thug
gut hath ulcer
ugh, ultra-tech

[ Argentum Astrum ]
a German must rut
argument art sum
trust Reagan, mum
a mutagen, Mrs. Urt
a tame gnu, Mrs. Urt
meant smart guru
stagnate murmur
Astarte rung mum
smug mana turret
rum as Nutmeg art
Truman must rage
Great Saturn, mum!
Mars, ream Nut gut
erratum must nag
mature smart gun
mutant Ursa germ
autumn star germ

[ Astron Argon ]
snort Angora
Aaron Strong
arrogant son
Rangoon tsar
Sonora Grant
roar no angst
or gnat sonar

[ Necronomicon ]
non-Circe moon
non-comic Nero
Rococo Men Inn
nice con, moron

[ Nutmeg Ninety-Seven ]
Gee, 'n Venus in my tent
Steven teeing my nun
genie men envy stunt
Semite gent envy nun
seventy eminent gnu
my intense gun event
teen Venus in gym net
even my gnu sentient

[ Discordia ]
do acid, sir
CIA sordid
a Doric dis
CIA DoD IRS
I did Oscar
arid disco

[ Illuminati ]
Lila, I'm Nuit
mill it, Ainu

[ Thanateros ]
a threat, son
a rant ethos
a honest art
Antares hot
other Satan
at Sheraton
or at Athens
Hera sat not
treason hat
Erato shan't
oath as rent
he NATO tsar

[ Priory of Sion ]
fin is poor Roy
so info, or I pry
proof irony is

[ Paracelsus ]
a place, USSR
Caesar plus
clear as pus
secular sap
caress Paul
scar seal up
real as cusp
Alp as curse
slap as cure

[ Aquarius ]
Aqua Uris

[ Agape + Thelema ]
the eagle a map
a phage ate elm
algae eat hemp
a gale amp thee
a hale mate, Peg
aha, let me gape
Althea, page me
Age malt, Pa; hee!
Malta heap; gee.
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Knowledge, Power, Time, Work and Money Equations [Apr. 11th, 2008|12:09 am]
From: Skull (skull@yakko.cs.wmich.edu)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money
and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:


K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:


K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5)
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:


The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS is:

The More you Make, the Less you Know.

Solving for Work, we get


W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

What THIS MEANS is:

The stupid rich do little or no work.

Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.
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Humorous Computer Viruses [Apr. 11th, 2008|12:06 am]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses:
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.

COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.

HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.

BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.

STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
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Okay, NOW i'm really starting to scare myself.... [Apr. 11th, 2008|12:02 am]
What is love?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As everyone knows:
"Possession is nine tenths of the law."
and
"Love is the law, love under will."

ThereforE, love in terms of will and possession can be shown as follows:

1.
9 x Law Will
Possession = ------- & ---- = Law
10 Love
Solve for love as follows:

2.
10 x Possession = 9 x Law & Will = Law x Love
3.
10 x Possession Will
Law = --------------- & Love = ----
9 Law
4. Therefore,
Will
Love = -------------------
10 x Possession
---------------
9
5. Which can be simplified to:

9 x Will
Love = ---------------
10 x Possession

Here we succinctly see what many have suspected: the more stuff you have,
the less love you have. Even if Will increases at a rate equal to
that of Possession, Love will still gradually erode. One will note,
however, that if all Possession is discarded, Love becomes an undefined,
unbounded and perfectly mysterious value which aproaches infinity,
as many a mystic has thought.
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I agree with this Bill so much, it's scary... [Apr. 10th, 2008|11:46 pm]
The Bill of No Rights


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The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
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Owie.... [Mar. 30th, 2008|01:28 am]
Well, I did my sister a favor by changing a flat tire a couple of days ago, straining my back in the process, then I had to clean out my shed so I could move in half a ton of pellets for the pellet stove I had installed on Wednesday, so I'm currently chewing on enough pain killers and muscle relaxers to kill a horse. The nice part is, I don't really feel pain at this point. Since I've not made a habit of abusing my spine, I should be fine in a couple more days. Yay for better living through chemistry!
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